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Today
is Wednesday, March 7,
the 66th
day of 2007. There are 299
to go. The Sun is at 16-17 Pisces The moon is waning.
Mercury is stationery - direct.
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If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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Glenelg, Maryland, is such a small
community, I was surprised that they had a community paper. I asked one
old-timer about it.
He replied, "We all know what
everybody else is doing, but we like to read the paper anyway to see
who's been caught at it."
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"I
know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate
people like that!"
--
Tom Lehrer
---------------------------------------------------------------
"A
lot of rappers getting rid of the gold teeth. They're going with
aluminum siding... it's cheaper."
--
Jay Leno
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"Wal-Mart
says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand
aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers.
Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer
classifications: teeth, or no teeth."
--
Conan O'Brien
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Real
Signs In Shop Windows
Signs
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In
the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated,
when you can come here?"
In a
Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves."
On a
Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this
road is impassable."
From
the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket: "If you
are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a
crew member."
On a
Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship."
On a
delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."
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From Ernie
I'd say this is probably
correct.
FINALLY,
after going through a virus attack,
losing a hard drive,
fighting off hackers,
installing firewalls,
and a host of other problems...
I have fixed my computer...
and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!..
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From
Bob
The
difference 50 years makes-isn't this the truth?!! We have
progressed just wonderfully, I believe, in the wrong direction.
So glad I was born in in the '30's!
BobH
Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
BobH
Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1956
- Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his
car and gets his to show Jack.
2006
- School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and
never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
students and teachers.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1956
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best
friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006
- Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge
them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1956
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits
still in class.
2006
- Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets
extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a
whipping.
1956
- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college,
and becomes a successful businessman.
2006
- Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care
and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she
remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's
mom has affair with psychologist.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.
1956
- Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006
- Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
searched for drugs and weapons.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Mary turns up pregnant.
1956
- 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special
school for expectant mothers.
2006
- Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the
ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion
without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told
to be more careful next time.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.
1956:
Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006
: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper
articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a
requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit
against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing
lawns for a living because he can't speak English.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts
them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1956
- Ants die.
2006
- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic
terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home,
computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is
never allowed to fly again.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is
found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.
1956
- In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2006
- Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
faces 3 years in State Prison.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Is
something wrong here????
-------------------------------------------------------------
Two
guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
-------------------------------------------------------
"Mr.
Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's
very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll
try to send her a few bucks myself."
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A
little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all my
intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have
gotten it from your mother 'cause I still have mine."
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The
doctor examined a woman, took the husband! aside and said, "I don't
like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me
either doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids."
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An
old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but
you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
curse on you.
The
old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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OK, move along, that's all there is,
move along please ....
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"I like
pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as
equals."
--Winston Churchill
Home is where the grab bars are.