My Home Pages   Joke Main   For a subscription

Today is Tuesday, March 6, the 65th day of 2007. There are 300 to go. The Sun is at 15-16 Pisces The moon is waxing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If you love cars, and have the bandwidth, this is must-see video
 
http://tinyurl.com/2z9jj5
------------------------------------------------------------------
From Ernie
 
Just got this from Steve.  He seems mightily perplexed and in need of our individual and collective help.
Ern
 
 

Dearest Friends:
 
I am writing to you to ask for your help in shedding light on a perplexing situation I find myself contemplating.
 
I have selected you as a group to aid me because you have known me for a number of years and I value your opinion.
Your religious experiences are varied and that is important to the problem with which I am faced.
 
Over the years, we have all observed the seemingly random factors that affect all of our lives, sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason.
We have seen some marriages dissolve over nothing, and others grow stronger under adverse conditions.
We have seen fate play a role in who survives critical illnesses and who succumbs to them.
We have all seen good people suffer great misfortunes while some people of low character thrive.
In our lifetime, we have seen Churches and Religious institutions all around the world become revised, televised, energized and even scandalized.
We are all well aware that a higher power has control of nearly all things.
 
Personally, I have stood in the doorway of a 7/11, amid a shootout between the police and a gunman, and walked away unscathed.
On a golf course, I saw a lightning bolt strike a man dead while those of us nearby where untouched.
We all watched as Hurricane Katrina ravaged some areas of the coast and left other nearby homes standing intact.
 
The enormity of these random and seemingly unfair applications of good or bad fortune is at the core of my dilemma.
Over the years I have studied sacred writings of all major religions, and recently I have reviewed many of these great books searching for an answer.
Alas, I have been unable to fathom the following, and now I pose the question to you?......
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Why would the highest power in this universe take Anna Nicole from us and leave Hillary behind?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From Sherry
 

 TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
sex1
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.


sex2




10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.


sex3




15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
sex4
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26..Ham and eggs.A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.


Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
THEY'RE OFF - AND AWFUL
 
Clinton: Hee haw, she's one of us.
March 6, 2007 --
 
QUESTION: Welcome to the Two-Party Presidential Primary Debate. I'm your moderator, Katie Couric. With the presidential campaign season roaring into high gear a year earlier than usual, we've convened the major candidates for a freewheeling discussion of the issues. Let me begin with Sen. Clinton. Your campaign appears to have hit a speed bump, with Barack Obama gaining on you. What's happened here?
 
CLINTON: Problem we got here is, failure to communicate (Expectorates tobacco juice into a spittoon).
 
Q: Barack Obama, you took to the stage in Selma this weekend to address concerns that your Nigerian-Swedish heritage may not appeal to black voters in this country. Could you talk a little about that?
 
OBAMA: Katie, your mama is so fat that I understand when she sits around the house, she actually sits around the house! By which I mean, of course, that she uses up every square inch of the house because she is overweight.
 
Q: Mrs. Clinton, rebuttal?
 
CLINTON: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! Tomorrow is another day!
 
Q: Mitt Romney, you were governor of Massachusetts and are now seeking the Republican nomination for president. Do you have a message for the American people?
 
ROMNEY: I would just like to denounce Ann Coulter, and I would like it noted for the record that this is my Sister Souljah moment.
 
Q: John McCain, this is your second attempt to gain the Republican nomination. Many in the GOP base distrust you because they think your campaign-finance policies restrict free speech.
 
McCAIN: My friends, we gather at a time of great testing. We must be better than we have been. Therefore, if you say anything negative about me 60 days before an election, I will have you sent to Walter Reed.
 
Q: Rudy Giuliani, you appear to be making converts among social conservatives despite your support for legal abortion.
 
GIULIANI: Support? I wouldn't say support. I would say loathing. Can I just say I hate abortion? Because I do. You know how the first President Bush hated broccoli? Well, it's like that with me on abortion, only worse. I don't like it. I hate it. Let me make it crystal clear to you: If abortion came up to me on the street tomorrow, I would give it a piece of my mind and tell it a thing or two. Oh, yes.
 
Q: Mr. McCain, rebuttal?
 
McCAIN: I am a strong pro-life person. But I believe in respecting pro-choice people. That's why I say if you're going to be pro-choice, don't be wishy-washy about it. Admit you like abortion. Admit you love it. That's the advice I'd give to my friend Rudy.
 
GIULIANI: I will bomb an abortion clinic if that's what it takes to prove it to you. When it's empty.
 
Q: Mrs. Clinton, you appear to have donned a hat.
 
CLINTON: Sure did! And land sakes if it don't have the price tag a-hangin' from it! Hee Haw!
 
OBAMA: Forgive me for interrupting, but I must interject that your mama is so ugly that if she went to an ugly contest, they would tell her, "Sorry, no professionals!" You see, because her ugliness is of an order different and more intense than the normal motherly ugliness.
 
Q: Mr. Romney, you have your hand up.
 
ROMNEY: What Ann Coulter said has no place in our contemporary debate. And you can quote me on that. In fact, my consultants say you must. Also, they say my hair is a negative. How can that be? My wife says it's very Brigham Young.
 
Q: Mr. Edwards, you were the subject of Ann Coulter's slur this weekend. How do you respond?
 
EDWARDS: I will not be intimidated by Ann Coulter. I stand proudly as a supporter of gay, lesbian and transgendered people. In fact, I will soon be having an open house at my new mansion for every single gay, lesbian and transgendered person in the United States. I fear we may be short one guest room so two people will have to double up.
 
CLINTON: That's so "Fried Green Tomatoes"!
 
OBAMA: Edwards, your house is so big my mama who is so fat - you remember, from the joke I told at a moment that preceded this one - couldn't sit all the way around it.
 
Q: Vice President Gore?
 
GORE: I must register my strong concern about the carbon footprint of John Edwards' house. The way he's going, he will soon be using more electricity than I do, and that's just wrong.
 
Q: Well, there you have it. Join us again next month. We'll keep doing this until we have some nominees.
 
CLINTON: Y'all come back now, y'hear?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's Birthdays

On this day:

Director and screenwriter Lewis Gilbert is 87. (Born 1920) He has worked on several "James Bond" films including "The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Moonraker." His other credits include the original film "Alfie," "Shirley Valentine," and "Sink the Bismark."
 
Radio and television announcer Ed McMahon is 84. (Born 1923) He is best known for being Johnny Carson's sidekick on "The Tonight Show."
 
Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan is 81. (Born 1926)
 
Conductor Lorin Maazel is 77. (Born 1930)
 
Singer, songwriter and entrepreneur Sylvia Robinson is 71. (Born 1936) She's known for the songs "Love is Strange," a 1957 duet with Mickey Baker, and "Pillow Talk," which was a hit in 1973. She also launched the first hip-hop label, Sugarhill Records, in 1979.
 
Politician Marion Barry Jr. is 71. (Born 1936)
 
Country musician Doug Dillard is 70. (Born 1937)
 
Former baseball star Cookie Rojas is 68. (Born 1939)
 
Actor Ben Murphy is 65. (Born 1942) His credits include the miniseries "The Winds of War," the film "Time Walker," and the TV series "Alias Smith and Jones."
 
Latin jazz singer Flora Purim is 65. (Born 1942)
 
Supremes singer Mary Wilson is 63. (Born 1944)
 
Rock and Roll Hall of Famer David Gilmour is 61. (Born 1946) He was a member of the group Pink Floyd.
 
Emmy Award-winning actor and director Rob Reiner is 60. (Born 1947) He won Emmy Awards for his work on "All in the Family." His other credits include the films "Alex & Emma," "The Ghosts of Mississippi," "When Harry Met Sally," "A Few Good Men," "Stand By Me," and "This Is Spinal Tap."
 
Singer Kiki Dee is 60. (Born 1947)
 
Stedman Graham is 56. (Born 1951)
 
Actor, comedian Tom Arnold is 48. (Born 1959) His credits include "The Best Damn Sports Show Period," the films "Soul Plane," "Cradle 2 The Grave," "True Lies," and "Exit Wounds," and the sitcom "Roseanne."
 
Comedian-actor D. L. Hughley is 44. (Born 1963) His credits include the TV shows "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" and "The Hughleys" and the movie "Soul Plane."
 
Actress Suzanne Crough is 44. (Born 1963) She's best known for the role of Tracy on "The Partridge Family."
 
Actress Connie Britton is 39. (Born 1968) Her credits include the movie and TV series "Friday Night Lights," and the TV shows "24," "Spin City," and "The Fighting Fitzgeralds."
 
Actress Moira Kelly is 39. (Born 1968) Her credits include TV shows "One Tree Hill" and "The West Wing" and the movies "With Honors" and "Billy Bathgate."
 
Actress Amy Pietz is 38. (Born 1969) Her credits include the TV shows "Rodney," "Caroline in the City," and "Cursed" as well as the movie "Jingle All The Way."
 
Basketball star Shaquille O'Neal is 35. (Born 1972)
 
Rapper Beanie Sigel is 33. (Born 1974)
 
Rapper Bubba Sparxxx is 30. (Born 1977)
 
Actress Hannah Gordon-Taylor is 20. (Born 1987) Her credits include the TV movie "Anne Frank: The Whole Story" and the films "Mansfield Park" and "Jakob the Liar."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....

-----------------------------------------------
Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

Group addresses:
 
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
List Owner
-------------------------------------------------------

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
--Winston Churchill


Home is where the grab bars are.