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For March 24 & 25, 2007
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Defamation of character:
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character.
She charged that he had called her a pig.
The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true."
Does this mean I cannot call a pig, Mrs. Johnson the man asked?
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said..."
Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!"
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A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character.
She charged that he had called her a pig.
The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true."
Does this mean I cannot call a pig, Mrs. Johnson the man asked?
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said..."
Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!"
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From Ernie
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Sorry, a word
that every
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR HOME NEEDS A SPRING
CLEANING
10. Someone asks, "What died in here?" ...and
you show them.
9. Dust on TV screen gives everybody comical Andy Rooney eyebrows. 8. When you win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, Ed McMahon refuses to get out of the van. 7. The so-called "Dust Bunnies" have sharp, snapping teeth. 6. Your house gets hit by a twister and it actually looks better. 5. Guests take one look at your bathroom and decide to use the backyard. 4. When someone from the health department rings your doorbell, you say, "Not again!" 3. Every time you turn on a faucet, you hear a muffled barking sound. 2. Even Robert Downey, Jr. refuses to sleep on your floor. 1. You've been receiving death threats from Mr. Clean. ------------------------------------------------------------------
GOT to Love
Wisconsin
A Texan, a
guy from Illinois, and a Wisconsinite are riding horses out on the
range. The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive bottle of
whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks, throws the bottle
in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The guy from
Illinois is shocked and asks, "What are you doing? That's a perfectly
good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan
replies, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap!"
A little
while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from Illinois pulls out
a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the
air, pulls out his gun and shoots it, just like the Texan. The guy from
Wisconsin can't believe it. "What are you doing? That was a very
expensive bottle of champagne. With a wink to the Texan he says "In
Chicago, there's plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."
About 15
minutes later, the Wisconsinite pulls out a bottle of Point beer.
He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs the rest of the bottle. He then places the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun and shoots the guy from Illinois. The Texan is visibly shaken. "What did
you do that for?!?!"
The
Wisconsinite replies, "Well, in Wisconsin, we have more than enough
people from Illinois, and Point beer bottles are returnable.
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Three
elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the
first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor
says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday,"
replies the second man.
The doctor
says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says
the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple,"
says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
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A little
girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the
blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother
responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn
this as you get older."
The girl
then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother
responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about.
You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl
still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another
question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother,
a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject
that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little
girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to
play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's
conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak
and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a
report card from school, it tells you everything."
Later, the
little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little
girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are.
You're 32 years old."
The mother
is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little
girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you
weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did
you learn that?"
The little
girl says, "I just know, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce.
You got an
"F" in sex."
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Crazy Charlie, the used-car dealer, was out
to break all sales records with his "like new" models. A large
sign in his window announced: "A Blonde Free With Each Car."
A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash
and, hot with anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the
country. He parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses, and
whispered a suggestion in her ear.
She shook her head, smiled, and said, "You
got that when you bought this car."
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John meets Bill at the bar and he is looking
somewhat sheepish and embarrassed.
Bill says, "Hey John, what's wrong?"
John says, "I received a party invitation
last night and it plainly said 'Black Tie' only. But when I got
there, everyone was wearing suits too!"
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The temperature had taken an overnight plunge, and Minnesota reaffirmed its reputation as one of the nation's coldest states. Despite a wind-chill of minus 40, we steelworkers erected a TV tower in a Minneapolis, St. Paul suburb showed up for work. B 9 a.m., a tall Texan climbed down from the
tower and entered the office trailer. He took his lunch pail from
the shelf and headed for the door.
"What's up?" the foreman asked. "You sick?"
"Nope," the Texan replied. "Goin' home
to get my jacket."
"Where's home?" the foreman persisted.
"Dallas," he said.
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OK, move along, that's all there
is, move along please ....
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Housekeeping:
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merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
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Never
offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
- Dogbyte
Home is where the grab bars are.