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Today
is Thursday, March 1, the 60th
day of 2007. There are 305 to
go. The Sun is at 10-11 Pisces The moon is
waxing.
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IIf you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the
"housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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"Nothing
is as simple as we hope it will be."
--Jim Horning
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"If the world should blow itself
up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."
--Peter Ustinov
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"Hollywood is a place where
people from Iowa mistake each other for stars."
--Fred Allen
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If You Get Caught Sleeping At
Your Desk At Work
10. "They told me at the blood
bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute
power-nap like they raved about
in that time management course
you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top
off the whiteout. You probably
got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was
meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new
paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard
for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly
specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you
discriminatory toward people
who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I
had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is
broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in
the wrong pot..."
And the #1 excuse to say if you
get caught sleeping at your
desk.
1. " ...... AMEN!"
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Today's groaner
My
husband is always complaining about my inability to stay on a budget
and about the costs of running the household in general. This has
become worse since we had twins.
Everything is double -- clothes, food,
pediatrician bills.
Lately, he has even been complaining about
the amount of baby powder I have been using on the twins to prevent
them from getting diaper rashes. I've had to remind him that ...
<>
talc is cheap.
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher
entered the room. The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answered, "We found a
ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest
lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves,"
said the teacher.
"When I was your age, I didn't even
know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the
teacher.
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From
Teddi
A
friend of mine works at a manufacturing plant where, he says,
friendship is thicker than employment. "Management has often
suspected some of the good ol' boys are clocking in their buddies who
routinely come in late," he reports. "The union contract specifically
stated no surveillance systems are allowed, and management couldn't
prove anything until the day one of the gang called in sick shortly
after his shift started -- and he was already clocked in!"
The Plant boss was at his wits' end, but my friend gets an idea. He's
already made friends with one of the plant's more popular workers, who
liked to tinker with computers, and might be willing to help.
"I
was happy to give him discarded equipment and help him with computer
problems, so we'd built a nice rapport," he says. "And he was an honest
fellow -- in fact, he was quite upset that the others were stealing
from the company."
So
the morning after a long holiday weekend, he went out and stood by the
time clock with a laptop and looked up at a dark area of the ceiling 45
feet up. Then he looked at the screen and hit some random keys.
"He did this a few times until he made sure
some of the workers noticed him out there, and then went back into the
office. A little while later, the manager sends the worker out to
stand by the clock and wave his hand at the ceiling. After a minute or
two, he comes out of the office and tells him, "That's great, thanks."
It's not long before other shop workers ask
their co-worker what he was doing. "He just replied, 'Oh, nothing,'
with a big grin," the manager says. "They said, 'They put in a camera
system, didn't they?' to which the worker just replied, 'I don't know
what you're talking about.'
"Rumors of a surveillance system
spread like wildfire. The union obviously couldn't protest that a
camera system was installed, because there never was one. And the
good ol' boys stopped clocking in their buddies -- because now they
thought they'd get caught for sure."
and
My
wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 mph
crosswinds. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you
people do in Kansas when the wind quits?"
The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat when she answered, "We take
the rocks out of our pockets."
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OK, move along, that's
all there is, move along please ....
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Housekeeping:
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merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
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sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be
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please let me
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included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107,
any
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"Politics
is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not,
diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."
- Ernest Benn
Home is where the grab
bars are.