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Today is Thursday,
February 22, the 53rd
day of 2007. There are 312 to go. The Sun is at 3 - 4 Pisces The
moon is waxing.
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If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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You Know You're Having a Bad Day
When...
1. Your horn sticks on the freeway
behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
2. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
3. Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
4. Your birthday cake collapses from weight of the candles.
5 When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
6. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
7. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
8. Your income tax refund check bounces.
9. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
10. People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
11. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
12. You put both contacts into the same eye.
13. Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
14. Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
15. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
16. Nothing you own is actually paid for.
17. You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
18. The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
19. You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
20. The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
2. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
3. Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
4. Your birthday cake collapses from weight of the candles.
5 When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
6. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
7. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
8. Your income tax refund check bounces.
9. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
10. People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
11. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
12. You put both contacts into the same eye.
13. Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
14. Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
15. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
16. Nothing you own is actually paid for.
17. You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
18. The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
19. You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
20. The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
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"The
stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive
and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
--Thomas Szasz
--Thomas Szasz
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Everyone
has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is
watching television.
--David Letterman
--David Letterman
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Eternal
nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
--Woody Allen
--Woody Allen
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From
GCFL, for Terry
My
job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from
9 holes to 18 holes.
Using
a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a
golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good
condition, so I picked it up and continued on.
When
I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me
in awe. I had a machete in one hand and a golf club in the other, and
behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.
"There,"
said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
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UNDECLARING
MY CITIZENSHIP
Becoming
Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)
The
Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate
Office Building
309 Hart Washington DC , 20510
309 Hart Washington DC , 20510
Dear
Senator Sarbanes,
As a
native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary
reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal
alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and
for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for
five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000
fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good
deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before
everyone figures it out.
Simply
put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every
year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply
to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for
me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your
Loyal Constituent,
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OK, move along, that's all there is,
move along please ....
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Housekeeping:
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stuff that's
merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
attribution is
given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at
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handwrite) are
sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be
there,
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please let me
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included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107,
any
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There is
only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well
please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to
take the consequences.
(P.J. O'Rourke)
Home is where the grab bars are.