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Today is Monday, February 12, the 43rd day of 2007. There are 322 to go. The Sun is at 23 Aquarius. The moon is waning.
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since I live in Ocala, jusr North of Orlandoooooooooooooooooo

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Central Florida market:

" Heathrow Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Mall of Millennia. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey
and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

" Lake Mary Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

" Sanford Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable
bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Winter Park Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.

" Deland Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's
butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper sticker absolutely free.

" Downtown Metro Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available
as well as warehouse conversion condo.

" Apopka Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Deland
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

" Mills Avenue Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her
Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two UCF Barbies
and the optional Subaru wagon,  you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

" Orange Blossom Trail Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Mt. Dora Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always
out a-'huntin'.

"Ocala Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts. Also comes with complete

riding clothes, including black helmet and black boots

Horse doll accessory sold separately.

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funny rerun time

Gates vs. GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash....... Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

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The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over.

At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey!

You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any.

She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes ?

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Today's Birthdays

On this day:

Emmy Award-winning director Franco Zeffirelli is 84. (Born 1923) His credits include the movies "Tea with Mussolini," "The Champ," and "Endless Love." He has won two Emmys for his work on installments of the PBS series "Great Performances."

Baseball announcer Joe Garagiola is 81. (Born 1926)

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter is 77. (Born 1930)

Basketball Hall of Famer Bill Russell is 73. (Born 1934)

Singer, songwriter, and producer Gene McDaniels is 72. (Born 1935) He's perhaps best known for the 1961 hit "100 Pounds of Clay."

Actor Joe Don Baker is 71. (Born 1936) His credits include the movies "The Dukes of Hazzard," "Walking Tall," "Cape Fear," "Golden Eye," "Cool Hand Luke," and "The Natural."

Children's author Judy Blume is 69. (Born 1938)

Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Ray Manzarek is 68. (Born 1939) He was the keyboardist for the group The Doors.

Former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak is 65. (Born 1942)

Former Genesis guitarist Steve Hackett is 57. (Born 1950)

Musician Michael McDonald is 55. (Born 1952) In addition to being a solo artist, he's also been a member of the group the Doobie Brothers, and has worked with Steely Dan.

Actress Joanna Kerns is 54. (Born 1953) She's best known for her work on the sitcom "Growing Pains." Her other credits include the movies "Girl, Interrupted" and "Coma."

TV personality Arsenio Hall is 52. (Born 1955) In addition to hosting his own talk show, Hall appeared in the movie "Coming To America" and served as a host of "Star Search."

Actor John Michael Higgins is 44. (Born 1963) His credits include the movies "For Your Consideration," "The Break-Up," "Fun with Dick and Jane," "Blade: Trinity," "A Mighty Wind," "Best In Show," "Wag the Dog," and "Bicentennial Man" as well as the TV series "Ally McBeal."

Actress Christine Elise is 42. (Born 1965) Her credits include the TV series "ER" and "Beverly Hills 90210."

Singer Chynna Phillips is 39. (Born 1968) She was a member of the trio Wilson Phillips.

Actor Josh Brolin is 39. (Born 1968) His credits include the movies "Into the Blue," "The Goonies" and "The Mod Squad," and the TV series "Mr. Sterling" and "The Young Riders."

Musician Jim Creeggan is 37. (Born 1970) He is a member of the group Barenaked Ladies.

Singer Keri Lewis is 36. (Born 1971) He plays guitar and keyboards with the group Mint Condition. He's also married to singer-actress Toni Braxton.

Actress Christina Ricci is 27. (Born 1980) Her credits include the upcoming film "Black Snake Moan," the movies "Cursed," "Monster," "The Laramie Project," "Anything Else," "Addams Family," "Sleepy Hollow," "Mermaids," and "Now and Then," and the TV series "Ally McBeal.

###

These famous people would have celebrated birthdays on this day:

Former First Lady Louisa Adams. (Born 1775) She was the wife of President John Quincy Adams.

Former President Abraham Lincoln. (Born 1809)

Scientist Charles Darwin. (Born 1809) He established the theory of organic evolution.

U.S. labor leader John L. Lewis. (Born 1880) He former the Congress of Industrial Organizations.

United States Army General Omar Bradley. (Born 1893) He served as the first chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

"Original Amateur Hour" host Ted Mack. (Born 1904)

Actor Lorne Greene. (Born 1915) He starred on several popular television shows including "Battlestar Gallactica" and "Bonanza." He began his career as a newscaster for the Canadian Broadcasting System.

Actor Forrest Tucker. (Born 1919) He starred in a variety of projects including the film "Sands of Iwo Jima" and the television show "F-Troop."

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"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up"

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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they?  The one I was in went back and forwards. 

I thought, 'This is unusual.'

And the dentist said to me, "Mr. Burke, get out of the filing cabinet,"

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I called UPS about an insurance claim I had filed on a package.  I knew the automated voice response system wouldn't be able to handle this issue so I immediately said, "Customer service."

 It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and then insisted that I first pick from its menu, none of which items bore any resemblance to insurance claims.  I tried "track a package."  It recited the status, followed by, "Can I help you with anything else?"

 I said, more insistently, "Customer service," at which it complained that that was the most recent shipping information. 

Exasperated--but a bit curious--I said, "Damn you," and after the little computing noise, it swiftly transferred me to customer service.

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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....

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Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

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One good thing about apathy is you don't have to exert yourself to show you're sincere about it.

Home is where the grab bars are.