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From The Onion
- funny because I doon't think GWB would know a Lepton from a brand of
tea...................I love The Onion
Bush Finds
Error In Fermilab Calculations
August 1, 2001 | Issue 37•26
BATAVIA,
IL–President Bush met with members of the Fermi National Accelerator
Laboratory research team Monday to discuss a mathematical error he
recently discovered in the famed laboratory's "Improved Determination
Of Tau Lepton Paths From Inclusive Semileptonic B-Meson Decays" report.
"I'm somewhat out of my depth here," said Bush, a
longtime Fermilab follower who describes himself as "something of an
armchair physicist." "But it seems to me that, when reducing the
perturbative uncertainty in the determination of Vub from semileptonic
Beta decays, one must calculate the rate of Beta events with a standard
dilepton invariant mass at a subleading order in the hybrid expansion.
The Fermilab folks' error, as I see it, was omitting that easily
overlooked mathematical transformation and, therefore, acquiring
incorrectly re-summed logarithmic corrections for the b-quark mass.
Obviously, such a miscalculation will result in a precision of less
than 25 percent in predicting the resulting path of the tau lepton once
the value for any given decaying tau neutrino is determined."
The Bush correction makes it possible for
scientists to further study the tau lepton, a subatomic particle formed
by the collision of a tau neutrino and an atomic nucleus.
Bush resisted criticizing the Fermilab
scientists responsible for the error, saying it was "actually quite
small" and that "anyone could have made the mistake."
"High-energy physics is a complex and demanding
field, and even top scientists drop a decimal point or two every now
and then," Bush said. "Also, I might hasten to add that what I pointed
out was more a correction of method than of mathematics. Experimental
results on the Tevatron accelerator would have exposed the error in
time, anyway."
Fermilab director Michael Witherell said the
president was being too modest "by an order of magnitude."
"In addition to gently reminding us that even the
best minds in the country are occasionally fallible, President Bush has
saved his nation a few million dollars," Witherell said. "We would have
made four or five runs on the particle accelerator with faulty data
before figuring out what was wrong. But, thanks to Mr. Bush, we're back
on track."
"It's true, I dabbled in the higher maths
during my Yale days," said Bush, who spent three semesters as an
assistant to Drs. Kasha and Slaughter at Yale's renowned Sloane
High-Energy Physics Lab. "But I didn't have the true gift for what
Gauss called 'the musical language in which is spoken the very
universe.' If I have any gift at all, it's my instinct for process and
order."
Continued Bush: "As much as I enjoyed studying
physics at Yale, by my junior year it became apparent that I could far
better serve humanity through a career in statecraft."
While he says he is "flattered and honored" by
the tau-neutrino research team's request that he review all subsequent
Fermilab publications on lepton-path determination, Bush graciously
declined the "signal honor."
"This sort of thing is best left to the likes
of [Thomas] Becher and [Matthias] Neubert, not a dilettante such as
myself," Bush said. "I just happened to have some time on the plane
coming back from the European G8 summit, decided to catch up on some
reading, and spotted one rather small logarithmic branching-ratio
misstep in an otherwise flawless piece of scientific scholarship.
Anyone could have done the same
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Ffrom Mega
Genius
"Stupidest
Statements Awards" of 2006
Announced by
Man with Perfect IQ
Tavares, Fla., Jan. 3 /PRNewswire/?"
The Stupidest Statements Awards" of 2006,
bestowed upon famous people for their misjudgments and misstatements,
have just been announced by Mega Genius®, "the man with the perfect
IQ™." His fourth annual prizes of recognition for what he calls
"crash-and-burn lapses in intelligence" by well-known personalities are
just for fun.
1. Paris Hilton, “celebutante” and hotel
heiress?who revealed to the Los Angeles Times, “The stupid blond
stereotype, it was cute for a while, but I’m over that now,” (August
13, 2006)?for her grasp of world affairs, when asked by British GQ
magazine if she was a fan of Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the UK:
“Tony who? Oh yeah…he’s like your president? I don’t know what he looks
like.” August 5, 2006. (Mega Genius: “Do you know how many beans make
five?”)
2. Ted Stevens, 82-year-old US Senator from
Alaska and chairman of the Senate Committee on Science, Commerce and
Transportation, for explaining in a speech how the Internet actually
works: “It’s a series of tubes.” June 28, 2006. (Mega Genius: “Like the
Trans-Alaska Pipeline.”)
3. Guy Fournier, chairman of the Canadian
Broadcasting Corp., for his false allegation in Quebec ’s 7 Jours
magazine, which resulted in his resignation: “[Translated] In Lebanon,
the law allows men to have sexual intercourse with animals, as long as
they are females. Doing the same thing with male beasts can result in
the death penalty.” September 9, 2006. (Mega Genius: “If I translated
Lebanon’s response correctly, it was an offer to treat him like a
female animal.”)
4. George W. Bush, US President, for his answer
at a press conference when he was asked if the tide was turning in
Iraq: “I think?tide turning?see, as I remember?I was raised in the
desert, but tides kind of?it’s easy to see a tide turn?did I say those
words?” June 14, 2006. (Mega Genius: "Hush! Just lie still until help
arrives.")
5. Charles Barkley, Basketball Hall of Famer,
for his approach to his gambling addiction, which he told ESPN was a
“stupid habit” that he estimated had cost him $10 million: “Do I think
it’s a bad habit? Yes, I think it’s a bad habit. Am I going to continue
to do it? Yes, I’m going to continue to do it.” May 3, 2006. (Mega
Genius: “I will bet $10 million that solution won’t work.”)
6. Andrew Young, civil rights leader and former
Georgia congressman, UN ambassador and Atlanta mayor, who was hired to
improve Wal-Mart’s image, but then resigned after telling the Los
Angeles Sentinel that mom-and-pop stores have been overcharging for
“stale bread and bad meat and wilted vegetables” and that Wal-Mart
should cause them to close: “Well, I think they should…. I think
they’ve ripped off our communities enough. First it was Jews, then it
was Koreans and now it’s Arabs; very few black folks own these stores.”
August 17, 2006. (Mega Genius: “For his own safety, he should place
himself under house arrest.”)
7. George Allen, US Senator and former Governor
of Virginia (whose mother comes from Tunisia), for his repeated
use of a North African racial slur during a political rally?“Macaca”
(monkey)?directed at a 20-year-old Virginian native, of Indian descent,
who worked for the senator’s political opponent: “Let’s give a welcome
to Macaca here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.”
August 11, 2006. (Mega Genius: “…in the 17th century.”)
8. Michael Richards, three-time Emmy Award
winning actor who played Cosmo Kramer on the hit TV show Seinfeld, for
his onstage racial tirade at the Laugh Factory, in West Hollywood,
after a black heckler shouted that he wasn’t funny: “Fifty years ago,
we’d have you upside down with a [bleep] fork up your [bleep]! You can
talk, you can talk, you’re brave now, [bleep]. Throw his [bleep] out.
He’s a [bleep]! He’s a [bleep]! He’s a [bleep]! A [bleep], look,
there’s a [bleep]!” November 17, 2006. (Mega Genius: “Actually, it was
Michael’s [bleep] that got thrown out.”)
9. Alan Hevesi, New York State Comptroller, for
his allegation in his commencement address, at Queen's College,
describing US Senator Charles Schumer, his fellow state politician, in
a manner that he later admitted was "beyond dumb," “incredibly
moronic,” and “remarkably stupid”: “The man who, how do I phrase this
diplomatically, who will put a bullet between the president’s eyes if
he could get away with it.” June 1, 2006. (Mega Genius: “Diplomatically
speaking, of course.”)
10. Dave Lenihan, talk show host at radio
station KTRS, in St. Louis, for mispronouncing the word coup when
praising US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s qualifications for
National Football League commissioner: “She loves football. She’s
African-American, which would kind of be a big coon…. A big coon! Oh my
god! I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that!”
March 22, 2006. (Mega Genius: “Can you pronounce the word canned?”)
Mega Genius® has held memberships in all
the major high-IQ societies in the world. He has the highest level of
intelligence measurable on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence
Scale—Revised, the most modern and accurate intelligence test of the
twenty-first century. His intelligence hits the top of the IQ scale and
continues to some unknown and immeasurable point.
The complete list of “Stupidest Statements
Awards” of 2006 can be seen at MegaGenius.com. Thirty-four lectures on
compact discs are also available there, in which Mega Genius®
explains techniques, that he developed, that people use worldwide to
increase their intelligence.
Copyright © 2007 Mega Genius®.
All rights reserved.
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"Sanity is a
madness put to good use." --George Santayana
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"This is true
he [Justin Timberlake] has broken up with his girlfriend Cameron Diaz.
The Hollywood buzz apparently is she was too old for him…This has
caused a lot of excitement in Hollywood. This breakup has made Demi
Moore very nervous. She’s doubled Ashton’s allowance so you know it is
serious." --Ferguson
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"Now that
women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business
executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking." --Bill
Vaughan
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From GCFL
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health
agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block
away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can
and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned
had been lent out, but she could wait until it was returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient,
she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for
something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the
bedpan she was taking to the patient
Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to
the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to
her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two
men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."
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You Know You
Grew Up In The 80's If...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".
2. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair "...and can do
the "Carlton".
3. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to
start a club of your own.
4. "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom.
5. Two words: Hammer Pants.
6. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ".
7. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales ".
8. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big
screen... and still know the turtles names.
9. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class
at school.
10. L.A. Gear... need I say more.
11. You wanted to be a Goonie.
12. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
13. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
14. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
15. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
16. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you
are, but what am I?"
17. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
18. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
19. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
20. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" & "My Little Pony"
21. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
22. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
23. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't
even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
24. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved
By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class.
25. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about
Willis?"
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along
please ....
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Housekeeping:
While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is
stuff that's
merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
attribution is
given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at
all,
is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't
handwrite) are
sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be
there,
should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way,
please let me
know by simply writing
to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following
notice is
included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107,
any
copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without
profit
or payment..
[Ref. Fair
Use
]
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Build a better life by stealing office supplies.
- Dogbert
Home is where the grab
bars are.