My Home Pages   Joke Main   For a subscription

 Today is Wednesday, January 17, the 17th day of 2007. There are 348 to go. The Sun is at 26-27 Capricorn. The moon is waning.
----------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one  is real, and it's important.  So please send this warning to everyone on  your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they  are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes  off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!  IT IS A  SCAM.  They only want to see you naked.
 
I wish I'd gotten this  yesterday.  I feel so stupid now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Side Effects of a Life in Comedy
 
* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.
* Your social status is one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.
* People are always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"
* Wisenheimer's Syndrome.
* You laugh on the outside, but inside you harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.
* Instead of crow's feet, you get punchlines.
* You have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."
* The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.
* Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.
* You live in constant fear that your friends will discover your inflatable Ernie Kovacs doll.
* Everything tastes funny.
----------------------------------------------------------------
More Little Golden Books That Never Made It:
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curios George and the High Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets A Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. You Were An Accident
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes the Hamster.and Other Great Microwave Games
21. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
22. Your Nightmares are Real
23. Where would You Like To Be Buried?
24. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
25. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
26. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
27. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents."
--Billiam Coronel
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money."
--Robin Williams
------------------------------------------------------------------
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
--Quentin Crisp
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From usns .... a really Largemoth Bass
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wanna see a redneck computer?
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
For my MD father, who WAS a Proctologist, and loved jokes like this
 
 
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
 
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
 
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes turned to him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ...I'm a gynecologist."
 
That's when the proctologist fainted.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Quotable Quotes:
 
"I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house." -Roseanne
 
"I've been feeling kind of lousy for the past few weeks. I don't want to go to the doctor because I just know what he's gonna say: 'Stop shooting heroin.' What a broken record that guy is." -Drake Sather
 
"I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm not sick or anything. It's just that I lost some weight and I want someone to see me naked." -Tracy Smith
-------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
-----------------------------------------------

Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

Group addresses:
 
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
List Owner
-------------------------------------------------------
There is a choice you have to make, in everything you do.
And you must always keep in mind, the choice you make, makes you.


Home is where the grab bars are.