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Today
is Tuesday, January 16,
the 16th day of 2007. There are 349
to go. The Sun is at 25-26 Capricorn. The moon is waning.
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A new senate page was reporting for duty on
Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his
instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone
number here. If you are ever calling in from an outside line you must
dial Capitol 4-3121." Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's
face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't
understand."
"Oh, nothing's the matter," the page said. "I
just don't know how to dial a capital four!"
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Today's Birthdays
On this day:
Actor Elliott Reid is 87. (Born 1920) His
credits include the movies "Inherit the Wind," "The Absent-Minded
Professor," and "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes."
Opera singer Marilyn Horne is 73. (Born 1934)
Four-time Indianapolis 500 winner A.J. Foyt is
72. (Born 1935)
Actor Michael Pataki is 69. (Born 1938) His
credits include the fourth and fifth "Rocky" movies, the film "The
Onion Field," and the TV series "Get Christie Love" and "The Amazing
Spider-Man." He also provided the voice for the character George Liquor
on "The Ren and Stimpy Show."
Music manager Rene Angelil is 65. (Born 1942)
He's Celine Dion's husband and manager.
Singer-songwriter Jim Stafford is 63. (Born
1944)
Grammy Award-winning singer Ronnie Milsap is
61. (Born 1946) He was named country music's male vocalist of the year
three times.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is 60. (Born 1947)
Director John Carpenter is 59. (Born 1948) His
credits include the movies "Vampires," "Village of the Damned," "Escape
From LA," "Halloween," and "The Thing."
Director, actress, and Emmy Award-winning
choreographer Debbie Allen is 57. (Born 1950) She has won Emmys for her
choreography work on the TV series "Fame" and the special "Motown 30:
What's Goin' On." Her acting credits include the TV show "Fame" and the
movie "Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling," while her directing credits
include the TV shows "All of Us," "A Different World," "Family Ties,"
and "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."
R&B singer Sade is 48. (Born 1959)
En Vogue singer Maxine Jones is 42. (Born 1965)
Former baseball star Jack McDowell is 41. (Born
1966)
Actor David Chokachi is 39. (Born 1968) His
credits include the TV series "Beyond the Break," "Witchblade" and
"Baywatch."
Supermodel Kate Moss is 33. (Born 1974)
Musician Nick Valensi is 26. (Born 1981) He's
the guitar player for The Strokes.
Actor Mason Gamble is 21. (Born 1986) His
credits include the movies "Spy Hard," "Rushmore," and "Dennis the
Menace."
###
These famous people would have celebrated
birthdays on this day:
Tony Award-winning actress and singer Ethel
Merman. (Born 1908) She won the Tony for "Call Me Madam."
Baseball Hall of Famer Dizzy Dean. (Born 1910)
Country performer Roy Lanham. (Born 1923) He
was a member of the Sons of the Pioneers.
Gorilla researcher Dian Fossey. (Born 1932) The
movie "Gorillas in the Mist" is based on her life.
Author Susan Sontag. (Born 1933)
Actress and singer Aaliyah. (Born 1979)
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From Teddi
If some people
said what they thought, they'd be speechless.
If at first you don't fricassee, fry, fry a hen.
If you think time heals everything, try sitting in a doctor's waiting
room.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and
Gomorrah an apology. -- Jay Leno
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines
Caller: "I'm having problems accessing my
application."
Tech support: "Did you load the latest patches?"
Caller: "What patches? I haven't received any notification."
Tech support: "The e-mail was sent out at 11:15 Central time this
morning."
Caller: "Oh, that's the problem. I'm in California, so I won't get them
for another two hours."
From => ComputerWorld
"The Mayor of St. Louis is starting a campaign
to get St. Louis removed from the list of America's Fattest
Cities. The people of St. Louis knew they had a problem when someone
got stuck walking through the Arch."
--Conan O'Brien
The Pope was on a state visit to the US and, as is his custom his
custom when going to dinner at someone's home, he requested that he be
allowed to personally prepare one of the dishes to be served at the
official state dinner to be held in his honor that evening.
Of course, he was allowed to do this, and he used the White House's
kitchen facilities to prepare the well-know Polish delicacy, the
"pierogi" (a potato and cheese filled dumpling).
That evening after the Pope and the Presidential party enjoyed
the fine meal, the President rose to give the traditional toast in
honor of the Pope. As the President reached the end of his toast, he
didn't want to miss the opportunity to compliment the Pope on his
culinary skills.
"Your Holiness," the President continued, "we are so honored to have
you with us this evening. We have most especially enjoyed the pierogi
that you prepared for us and want to thank for sharing this delicacy
with us. I must know; where did you learn to prepare pierogis so well?"
As is customary, the Pope rose to return the President's toast and
after the necessary diplomatic pleasantries, the Pope turned to the
subject of the meal.
"Thank you , Mr. President, for your compliments about my pierogis. But
where did I learn to prepare them so well? Simple, as Pope, it
shouldn't be so surprising that as a young boy, I went to pierogial
school."
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This guy buys
some new underwear from a department store. He takes them home
and tries them on, but to his dismay they don't fit properly, so off he
goes back to the store.
When it's his
turn at the customer service window, the lady asks him why he's
returning the underwear.
The man
replies by asking the saleslady, "Have you ever heard of the ballroom
in the Washington Monument?"
The puzzled
saleslady scratches her head and says, "What ballroom?"
The man snaps,
"Exactly!"
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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and
decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his
home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat
was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40
blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving
back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and
the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a
few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe
distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man
calls home to his wife and says, "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of
a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
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A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was
astounded to see a man come hurling head first through the window.
"What on earth are you up to? What just
happened?" he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot
to let go of the brick!"
Wife to bill-paying husband: "I slashed
expenses last month. Everything was charged on one credit card so
that it will cost only one stamp to pay all of our bills."
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The Burbank police were searching for a man they suspected of a string
of burglaries. They had six photographs of the man, all taken in
different locations and from different angles. They sent fax
copies of these pictures to police departments all over the country.
Several days later, Burbank received a fax
report from the police chief in a small town in Idaho.
The memo read, "We immediately went to work on
those six pictures you sent. We've arrested five of the suspects,
and we have the sixth under observation right now."
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Fish is the only food that is considered
spoiled once it smells like what it is.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The Pentagon today
announced the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the
United States Redneck Special Forces. These Alabama, Georgia,Louisiana,
Mississippi, Tennessee and Texas boys will be air dropped into Iraq and
have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country
music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death
of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be
over by Friday.
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European
Threat Levels
This just in from our intel
organizations................
The British are feeling the pinch in relation
to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday
that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The
only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The
rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are
on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level
from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing".
Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change
sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state
from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching
songs". They also have two higher levels: "invade a neighbor" and
"lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday
as usual and the only threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of
Brussels
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Little Johnny and Jenny were only 10 years old,
but they just knew that they were in love.
One day they decided that they wanted to get
married, so Johnny went to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said; "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are
in love, and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing
that he had ever heard, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only
10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Johnny replied; "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine, and we can
both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this was just adorable, Mr.
Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not
old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our
allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week, and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked
that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thought for a moment,
trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer
to. After a second, Mr. Smith said; "Well Johnny, it seems like you
have everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said;
"Well, we've been lucky so far.."
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along
please ....
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Housekeeping:
While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is
stuff that's
merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
attribution is
given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at
all,
is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't
handwrite) are
sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be
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should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way,
please let me
know by simply writing
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notice is
included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107,
any
copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without
profit
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There is a choice you have to make, in everything you do.
And you must always keep in mind, the choice you make, makes you.
Home is where the grab
bars are.