My Home Pages   Joke Main   For a subscription

 For October 6 & 7, 2007
------------------------------------------------------------
<>
If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, or see the Fair Use disclaimer, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
 
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
 
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"
------------------------------------------------
Speeding Ticket
 
A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"
 
"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
----------------------------------------------------------
More on Speeding Tickets
 
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
 
"Keep it," the cop said. "When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
---------------------------------------------------------
From Wales (Cymru)
 
A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: 'Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for.' Which means: 'Don't drink the water the cows have shit in it.' The man shouts back: 'I'm a muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.' The Welsh farmer says: 'Use two hands, it holds more'!!!
-------------------------------------------------------
petsmart shopping?
------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------
From Di G
 
Dog Logic
 
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous
 
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams
 
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.-Josh Billings
 
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney
 
Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate.  -Anonymous
 
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones
 
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise -Unknown
 
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.-Joe Weinstein
 
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.-Robert A. Heinlein
 
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
 
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras
 
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
-------------------------------------------------------
For Bob H.
 
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to take over the service and went to talk to Bernie.
 
"What are doing here with a dog?"
 
"The dog came here to pray."
 
"Oh, come on." says the Rabbi.
 
"It's true," says Bernie.
 
"I don't believe you. You are just fooling around and that's not a proper thing to do in a synagogue."
 
"Its really true," says Bernie.
 
"OK," says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff), "then show me what the dog can do."
 
"OK," says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog opens up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (and puts them on) and prayer book and then starts saying prayers in Hebrew!
 
The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school?"
 
Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, "You talk to him, he wants to be a doctor!"
-----------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------

<>--------------------------------------------------------
The pre-birth class
 
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre- birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.
 
It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that.
 
Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately.
 
"Does she cook???"
  ---------------------------------------------------------

 

Sometimes it is better

 

to have a small one ...

 

--------------------------------------------------------------
OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
-----------------------------------------------
Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

Group addresses:
 
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
List Owner
-------------------------------------------------------
"If you want the present to be different from the past, study the past."
- Benedict Spinoza (1632-1677),  Dutch philosopher

Home is where the grab bars are.