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Today is Friday October 5 the 278th day of 2007. There are 87
to go. The Sun is at 12 Libra The moon is waning.
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I
was a bit surprised to find out that today is the most popular birthday
in the U.S., with some 936,000 people claiming it. If my Glasgow-born mom were still here,
she'd be 99 today. Seánmhar lá breith agus beannacht,
máithear!
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This is so sad
A seven-year-old boy was at the center
of a Philadelphia Pa courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a
court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history
of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody
to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations
requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the
immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a
way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of
allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal
references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted
temporary custody to the Philadelphia Eagles, whom the boy firmly
believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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A
rerun, but funny everytime - from Jay
The
teacher gave her fifth grade class this assignment: "Get your parents
to tell you a story with a moral." The next day the kids came back and
one by one they told their stories. There were all the regular stories,
spilled milk; pennies saved; etc. But then the teacher realized that
only Little Johnny in the back of the room had not provided a story
with a moral. "Little Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes
ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in
Desert Storm and one day her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a pistol and a
survival knife."
"She
drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and
landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of
them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with
the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last one with
her bare hands."
"Good
Heavens!" exclaimed the horrified teacher. "What moral did you get from
this horrible story?"
"Stay
the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."
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From
Colin
I ran
across the following in the October issue of the Smithsonian mag:
Murphy's
Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Benford's
Law: Passion in any argument is inversely proportional to the amount of
real information advanced.
Godwin's
Law: The longer an argument goes on, the likelier someone will stoop to
a Hitler, or Nazi, analogy.
Heisenberg
Probability Principle: Anyone mentioning Heisenberg is likely a pompous
twit.
Hegel's
Paradox: Man learns from history that man learns nothing from history.
Clarke's
First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that
something is possible he is almost certainly right. When he states that
something is impossible he is almost certainly wrong.
Sturgeon's
Revelation: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Dilbert
Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the
place where they can do the least damage: management.
Joy's
Law: No matter who you are, most of the smartest people work for
someone else.
Brook's
Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
The
Grand daddy of all..Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time
allotted for its completion.
Anyone
for law school?
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A guy
goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy behind the
counter asks, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."
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Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."
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Maxine
on centerfolds
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Two Jewish men, "Sid" and "Al," were sitting in
a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith
born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are
there any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know
Señor, I'll ask the cooks."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes
and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews."
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked,
"Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with
"Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Señor!"
and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it
hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are
scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said, "Señor, the
head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't
believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Señor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the
exasperated waiter.
"All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews."
"All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews."
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Dear friend,
I am Princess Leia Organa only survivor of the royal family of Alderan.
Dear friend,
I am Princess Leia Organa only survivor of the royal family of Alderan.
I am moved to write you this letter,
this was in confidence considering my present circumstance and
situation. I was falsely imprisoned upon the Imperial Battlestation
when my planet was hideously destroyed and ended by the very bad sith
Lord Vader.
I escaped along with the aid of brave
rebels and Wookies, and am now I am lying low due to the situation in
the 4th moon of Yavin till when things gets better.
I have control here of the sum of $25,
million in Imperial Credits deposited with a security company for
safekeeping on Tatooine. the funds were shipped by a courier service as
diplomatic items of high values to prevent them from knowing the
content. what I want you to do friend is to indicate your interest that
you will assist me by receiving the money on our behalf on Tatooine and
assist in investing this money in any lucrative business like moisture
farms and stock in multi-planetary companies and other safe lucrative
investment in your sector.
May I at this point emphasize the high
level of confidentiality, which this business demands, and hope you
will not betray the trust and confidence which I repose in you.
In conclusion, in the event you are
interested to assist me I will like you to contact my lawyer who I have
stationed in Mos Eisley to witness the transaction to it's conclusion.
You can reach him on his direct line
via mail, his name is Watto the Toydarian, I have the full trust in him.
Finally, I have set aside 15% of the
total sum of the funds for your assistance, and 5% for any expenses
that shall be incurred during this transaction.
I sincerely will appreciate your
acknowledgment as soon as possible.
Help us, friend, you are our only hope.
Best regards,
Princess. l. Organa
----------------------------------------------------
Princess. l. Organa
----------------------------------------------------
Moooooooo!!!!!!!
Q:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef.
A: Ground Beef.
Q:
What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean Beef.
A: Lean Beef.
Q:
What do you call a cow with three legs?
A: Beef Tips.
A: Beef Tips.
Q:
What do you call a cow with four legs?
A: A cow.... what are you, a freakin' moron?
A: A cow.... what are you, a freakin' moron?
Q:
What do you call a cow with five legs?
A: A bull.
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A: A bull.
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"It's better to have loved and lost a short
person than never to have loved a tall."
- David Chambless
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Why do men go weak in the knees, get dry
throats, think irrationally and have their hearts beat quicker when a
woman wears leather clothing?
SCROLL DOWN
BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK !!!
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At their yard sale, my daughter-in-law put all of the "junk" they just wanted to get rid of in a carton marked "Free Box." Moments after my son set it at the end of the driveway, a man drove up, looked at the box, dumped its contents on the lawn, and drove off with the box.
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A woman was taking her time browsing through
everything at a neighbor's large yard sale, and said to her, "My
husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale."
"I'm sure Charley will understand when you tell
him about all the bargains you found," her friend replied.
"Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke
his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the ER."
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An
elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow
beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her
two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable
to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted
her.
"Tell
me, how old are your grandsons?"
She
gave her a grateful smile and replied,
"The doctor is four and the lawyer is six."
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
-----------------------------------------------OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
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Good intentions will always be pleaded for any assumption of power. The Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.
- Daniel Webster
Home is where the grab bars are.