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Today is Tuesday October 2 the 275th day of 2007. There are 90 to go. The Sun is at 9 Libra The moon is waning.
For those who care or
understand such things, here's some astronomical data for this month,
as requested:
For
yesterday 10/1:
Julian
Day # 399355
Galactic
Center 25 Sag. 57.5'
SVP
(Sidereal Vernal Point) 5 Pisces 8'59"
Obliquity
of the Ecliptic 23deg 23'27"
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Well, I finally got my 'puter
back - new video card & all - and it feels like Christmas morning.
Now to do things like update my pages.
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...BIKES...
The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the road!
"I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle."
"So what are you going to do - leave him at the dog's home? Give
him away? Sell him?"
"No, nothing that drastic. I think I'll just confiscate his bike."
Did you hear about the cyclist who used Viagra eye drops? They
made him look hard...
"Where's your bicycle Vicar" I said, (because it was the first
time I had seen him walking in 10 years!). "Don't know, I think it
might have been stolen, but I will get it back on Sunday" he replied.
"At my next sermon I will go through the ten commandments. When I get
to 'thou shalt not steal' God will sort it out, I've got faith" The
following week, sure enough he was riding the bike again. So I asked
him if the ten commandments thing had worked as planned: "I got as far
as thou shall not commit adultery.......then I suddenly remembered
where I left the bike.."
Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's too tired...
Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. (Mark
Twain)
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Washington Post new word meaning contest for 2007
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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From Linda
Subject: They walk among us!!! and its scary
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in my favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again ... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually happened in Austin at Mo Pac Boulevard and Palmer Lane. They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already
buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free.' She
handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door. They Walk
Among Us and Many Work Retail.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of
them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the
sky and said, 'Where?' They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the
north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
and has for some time, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up
with that stuff.' They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
centre was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific
time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh,
Pacific.' They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. They
Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. They
Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went
to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked
me, 'has your plane arrived yet?' They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor ... I observed a man ordering a
small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.'
Yep, They Walk Among Us! They walk among us ... and they reproduce
and worst of all...
They vote!
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From Doc Ernie
Health Q&A Session
Advice from AARP
Everything you need to know - from AARP ! ! ! !
MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED (Research done by the AARP Legal Department)
Q . What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q . I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q . My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A . You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A . Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q . Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
To Your Good Health
Advice from AARP
Everything you need to know - from AARP ! ! ! !
MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED (Research done by the AARP Legal Department)
Q . What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q . I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q . My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A . You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A . Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q . Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
To Your Good Health
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
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Good intentions will always be pleaded for any assumption of power. The Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.
- Daniel Webster
Home is where the grab bars are.