Once upon a time, in a land far away called (Boston) lived a little girl named (Fred). She was a (perforated) little girl of the ripe age of nineteen, who was taking up (Lady of the Night) in college. But around their little village, all of the people called her Little (periwinkle) Riding Hood, though only (James Brown) knew why, since no one wore riding hoods anymore. The girls preferred wearing (shoes) with decorative (spoons), usually from Saks Fifth Avenue.

One (meaty) summer morning, L<P>RH was asked by her mother, (Juan Valdez), asked her to take a basket of goodies to her grandmother, who lived just beyond the woods in a (membrane) in (London). So, taking a (Tupperware) full of goodies like (Spotted Dick), and (Playboy) and even a couple of (French Ticklers), L<P>RH set off through the woods, after receiving a warning by (smoke signals) from her father, who was the head (short-order cook) of the woods.

"There’s a wolf in the woods, my dear, although he likes to dress up as a (pony)! Beware, for all he wants is a piece of your tender (medulla oblongotta)!" She took his words to heart, ensuring she also had a (condom) in her basket, for defense against the (negotiable) wolf.

Skipping (insanely) through the (magenta) woods, L<P>RH liked the feeling of the wind running under her riding hood. Considering that the only other thing she wore was a (cuddly) (boxer shorts), it felt good against her (rough) naked skin. It also made it easier if she had to (masturbate) while on the trip!

Before long, she came to a sign that said "(do not enter) AHEAD" This was a pretty obvious ploy by the (covertly) wolf, trying to lead her to his (apartment) deeper in the woods. "Well, THAT’S pretty (fark) obvious, isn’t it?" She turned to the other path, since she could almost see a (Best Buy) ahead, around a corner.

(Spooge)ing faster, L<P>RH managed to make it to the parking lot of a (McDonalds), the smell of (squirrel) and (alphabet chowder) combining most unappealingly. Leaning out of the drive through, she was surprised to see a (sea urchin), since they didn’t usually take up residence in a (cigar), except in El Nino conditions. It yelled out at her, "Hey! (Lovey)! C’mere, I got some nice fresh (zucchini and artichoke) with chocolate sauce for ya!" He grinned (idiotically), revealing a large set of (blowholes).

"Oh, my!! It’s the wolf!!" she (excrete)ed.

"You bet your sweet (foreskin) I am, baby doll!! And I got a nice big (toothpaste) for ya too, right here!" he said, gesturing to his crotch with a (George Foreman Grill).

"You ignorant (asshole)!" L<P>RH stood up, pulling a (boric acid) out of her basket. "I’ve seen bigger dicks on a (futon)! Now, leave me alone before I call for (John Ashcroft)"

"Not a chance, girly, I pay the (Iranian) Mafia fer protection!" He leered at her, showing his obscenely swollen (colon).

"Screw you, Loup Garou!" she (shag)ed. "Grandma works for the (OSHA). She’d shut down this (monkey pox) trap!" With that, she skipped on toward her grandma’s house, her (canoe) flushed with her triumph over the (strangely) swearing wolf. But she didn’t notice him slip out the back and hop into his (chihuahua) and zoom off down a back road.

When L<P>RH got to Granny’s, she dropped her cloak and her (pasties and G-string) by the front door, because granny was a dedicated nudist, showing her old (ducttape) to anyone that cared to look. The (zigzag) young girl, her (puce) nipples reflecting the glow of the setting sun, slipped inside the small cottage.

Inside, crouched in the bed, she saw what looked like a really (hideously) dressed wolf, trying to pretend to be her grandmother, even though it was unusual seeing a big old (golf club) poking up through the blankets at the wolf’s groin.

"Why, Granny!! What a BIG (wanker) you have!" she (elect)ed, skipping over to the bed. "All the better to (copulate) you with, my dear!" His big (clitoris) glowed, as he looked up and down her naked body, (Milk of Magnesia) running down his muzzle in anticipation.

"Well, I think you’re a big bad wolf, not grandma!" She slapped him across the (light bulb). "Indeed, my little (Grim Reaper), and I’m going to eat you!"

She looked at the (gubernatorial) (slimy) wolf with a (swimmingly) scowl on her face, and said: "Fer chrissake, doesn’t ANYbody screw anymore?