Once upon a time, in a land far away called (city name) lived a little girl named (person’s name). She was a (adjective) little girl of the ripe age of nineteen, who was taking up (career) in college. But around their little village, all of the people called her Little (color) Riding Hood, though only (famous person) knew why, since no one wore riding hoods anymore. The girls preferred wearing (article of clothing) with decorative (nouns), usually from Saks Fifth Avenue.

One (adjective) summer morning, LRRH was asked by her mother, (man’s name), asked her to take a basket of goodies to her grandmother, who lived just beyond the woods in a (noun) in (European city). So, taking a (container) full of goodies like (food item), and (magazine title) and even a couple of (sexual aids), LRRH set off through the woods, after receiving a warning by (communication medium) from her father, who was the head (career) of the woods.

"There’s a wolf in the woods, my dear, although he likes to dress up as a (animal)! Beware, for all he wants is a piece of your tender (body part)!" She took his words to heart, ensuring she also had a (noun) in her basket, for defense against the (adjective) wolf.

Skipping (adverb) through the (color) woods, LRRH liked the feeling of the wind running under her riding hood. Considering that the only other thing she wore was a (adjective) (clothing item), it felt good against her (texture) naked skin. It also made it easier if she had to (verb) while on the trip!

Before long, she came to a sign that said "(road sign) AHEAD" This was a pretty obvious ploy by the (adjective) wolf, trying to lead her to his (living place) deeper in the woods. "Well, THAT’S pretty (dirty word) obvious, isn’t it?" She turned to the other path, since she could almost see a (business name) ahead, around a corner.

(Verb)ing faster, LRRH managed to make it to the parking lot of a (fast food place), the smell of (animal) and (type of soup) combining most unappealingly. Leaning out of the drive through, she was surprised to see a (aquatic animal), since they didn’t usually take up residence in a (noun), except in El Nino conditions. It yelled out at her, "Hey! (Old time term of endearment)! C’mere, I got some nice fresh (vegetables) with chocolate sauce for ya!" He grinned (adverb), revealing a large set of (body parts).

"Oh, my!! It’s the wolf!!" she (verb)ed.

"You bet your sweet (body part) I am, baby doll!! And I got a nice big (noun) for ya too, right here!" he said, gesturing to his crotch with a (kitchen tool).

"You ignorant (insulting name)!" LRRH stood up, pulling a (harmful object) out of her basket. "I’ve seen bigger dicks on a (piece of furniture)! Now, leave me alone before I call for (government official)"

"Not a chance, girly, I pay the (nationality) Mafia fer protection!" He leered at her, showing his obscenely swollen (body part).

"Screw you, Loup Garou!" she (verb)ed. "Grandma works for the (government agency). She’d shut down this (disease) trap!" With that, she skipped on toward her grandma’s house, her (noun) flushed with her triumph over the (adverb) swearing wolf. But she didn’t notice him slip out the back and hop into his (mode of transportation) and zoom off down a back road.

When LRRH got to Granny’s, she dropped her cloak and her (clothing item) by the front door, because granny was a dedicated nudist, showing her old (noun) to anyone that cared to look. The (adjective) young girl, her (color) nipples reflecting the glow of the setting sun, slipped inside the small cottage.

Inside, crouched in the bed, she saw what looked like a really (adverb) dressed wolf, trying to pretend to be her grandmother, even though it was unusual seeing a big old (noun) poking up through the blankets at the wolf’s groin.

"Why, Granny!! What a BIG (noun) you have!" she (verb)ed, skipping over to the bed. "All the better to (verb) you with, my dear!" His big (body part) glowed, as he looked up and down her naked body, (liquid) running down his muzzle in anticipation.

"Well, I think you’re a big bad wolf, not grandma!" She slapped him across the (noun). "Indeed, my little (term of endearment), and I’m going to eat you!"

She looked at the (adjective) (adjective) wolf with a (adverb) scowl on her face, and said: "Fer chrissake, doesn’t ANYbody screw anymore?