THE TROUBLED FAMILY (Part 4)
IX. COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN:
1. Often we hear of the generation gap. That huge expanse
between parent and child. Perhaps it is an acquaintance
gap. Young people and adults do not know each other. The
inability to communicate often enters the picture.
Sometimes it is because neither knows what the other is
interested in. They live under the same roof, but they
rarely see one another. Especially after the teenage years
come along. The father goes off to work before the children
are awake. Mother may go back to bed after seeing the
husband off to work; or off to her own job. Teenagers get
themselves up and off to school without seeing either
parent. Then after school there is ball practice, band
practice, or something else that consumes their time; maybe
a job that last until bedtime. Parents have things that tie
them up in the evenings; so the days come and go, and there
is precious little time spent together. A meal together is
even a rare occasion.
All of these activities may be wholesome and proper,
but still the family suffers because there is so little
time spent together, let along time spent in teaching and
instruction. This causes many children to make too many
decisions on their own, and so often they will leave
spiritual matters out of their thoughts and plans.
2. Let us never make the mistake of thinking the child is born
in our house, he grows up in our house, and we suppose
he/she will turn our all right because he is our child.
Parents, it take constant work, time and concern. Talk to
your children. Keep the communication lines open at all
times. And be sure that YOU LISTEN TO THEM.
X. DISCIPLINE WITH DIGNITY:
1. In Paul's first letter to Timothy, he lists the
qualifications of those men who are to serve as overseers
in the family of God. One of the requirements found in 1
Tim. 3:4 is that the father should "have his children in
subjection with all gravity." This word "gravity" suggests
reverence, dignity. Fathers you are the authority of that
household and ultimately you shall be judged as to how you
ruled your own house. But though authority must be
exercised, it must be done with true dignity, that is, it
must be done in such a manner that the father's firmness
makes it advisable for a child to obey, that his wisdom
makes it natural for a child to obey, and that his love
makes it a pleasure for the child to obey.
2. In Eph. 6:4, Paul states that the child should be nurtured
in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. He also
states, "Provoke not your children to wrath (anger)." Do
not EXASPERATE your children, that they lose heart. The
term means to take the wind out of them. Do not break your
child.
Does not this describe what has happened in so many
today? Angry exasperation so clearly describes the
prevalent attitude of rebellion among so many young people.
They have become exasperated with their parents. They have
given up on them. And in turn they have given up on the
adult world around them. In anger they turn their backs on
their parents and close their ears, their minds, and their
hearts. They cannot be reached. They are not excused for
such actions; but, neither are parents excused for
provoking them to anger. The fact is true far too often
that children have not been disciplined as the Bible (our
manual) teaches.
3. UNDERDISCIPLINE: One thing that is a major factor in
exasperating children is the matter of underdiscipline. The
child never knows where he/she stands. "If you do that you
are going to get a spanking." Tomorrow he does it --
nothing happens. The next day he does it again -- nothing
happens. The third day, mom is exasperated herself and when
he does the same thing he has done for the past three days,
she whops him good. Thus no consistent discipline. When
the rules change day by day, the child does not know where
he stands. When rules are enforced only at the parent's
whims, the child is confused. Wouldn't you become
exasperated if the rules for baseball changed every time
you played? What if your child changed the rules every time
you played checkers with him/her?
4. Sometimes as parents we keep moving the boundaries. It
takes effort to discipline properly. It takes time. One of
the most precious commodities parents owe their children is
their TIME. We cannot give up to quickly on our children.
Young people want rules. They want to KNOW where the limits
are. Spell them out. Be specific. Let your children know
what the results will be when they break the rules. And
never make a rule that you do not fully expect to enforce.
If that happens, the child does not think that you mean
business. They do not think that your are dependable. Too
many rules may be as exasperating as no rules at all. Isn't
it interesting that when God put Adam and Eve in the garden
He gave them one rule. And the penalty was clearly spelled
out. Then when they broke the rule, Jehovah followed
through. Such has always been God's arrangements. May we
ever learn from Him. Go back to the manual.
5. As with underdisciplining, so likewise overdisciplining may
also provoke children to wrath. As much as we need to
understand that the father is the authority in the home,
one should never flaunt that authority. The use of
authority simply because one has authority will cause
resentment and anger on the part of the other members of
the family. This will lead to rebellion against that
authority. Authority is given for the benefit of the child,
not for some egotistical attitude on the part of the
father. The assertion of authority often leads to foolish
and overly rigid rules. If the love of God gave
commandments that are not grievous (1 John 5:3), why should
ours be???
6. Another example of overdiscipline is saying NO to
everything. This is not to say that NO has no place in
discipline, for surely it does. But, suppose every time you
spoke to the husband or wife, you only heard NO or DON'T.
Suppose there was never a word of encouragement or
appreciation. Suppose he saw only your mistakes, and always
managed to squeeze the word NO into every conversation. How
would you feel? And yet, this is exactly the way many
parents come across to their children. No encouragement,
nothing about the good things they do. It is always the
noise, the broken dish, the muddy feet, and on and on. It
takes effort to commend the good, to encourage right
actions and deeds. But, how needed it is!!!
CONCLUSION:
1. Truly, rebellious children are a heartache to parents. But,
if we will get back to the instruction book, the Divine
Pattern, the finished product will once again reflect the
image of God and be what the Lord so intended that we be.
2. So also, in the family relationship, let us pick up the
manual, open the book and on bended knees, pray for God's
help in making our families the kind of families that the
Lord so intended that they be.
3. I close with Matt. 7:25, "and the rain descended, and the
floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house;
and it fell not: for it was founded upon the rock." If your
family is founded upon the rock of God's Word, it will
withstand the rains of controversy, the floods of
differences, and the winds of trials and be the glorious,
rewarding adventure that the Lord so planned for you.
This material, along with Parts 1, 2,
and 3, is available in Tract form. For
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