THE TROUBLED FAMILY (Part 3)
VIII. COMMUNICATION:
1. Let us get out the instruction book and study about a very
fundamental need in every family relationship, a need for
husband-wife, for father-son, for mother-daughter. That
need is COMMUNICATION.
2. It seems that everyone is talking, but no one is listening.
This is extremely dangerous in the close relationship of
the family. How many families have been shipwrecked because
the husband and wife have not learned how to communicate,
to talk and to listen. I would like to look at the matter
of communication in the family as Paul discusses this in
the Ephesian Letter.
3. In the second half of the Ephesian letter, Paul discusses
various relationships between Christians. In 5:22, he
addresses wives. In 5:25, he addressed husbands. In 6:1, he
speaks to children. In 6:4, he speaks to parents, fathers
specifically. Finally, he discussed the working or business
relationships as he exhorts slaves (5:5) and their masters
(5:6). Isn't it interesting that Paul deals with husband-
wife relationship, then parent-child relationship, then
employer-employee relationship, in that order. One's
spouse, his children, and his work should be placed in that
unvarying order; and only tragic results come from
reversals of shifts in these priorities. Husbands when you
put your job ahead of your wife, your family, trouble is
around the corner.
4. The first three chapters of Ephesians deals with God's
wonderful scheme of redemption. How that from the beginning
of the foundation of this creation He planned and in time
executed that redemption by the sending of the Christ, who
shed His blood on the cruel tree. God's wonderful love
extended to sinful mankind and the reconciliation of both
Jew and Gentile now in one body, redeemed and made fellow-
citizens in the holy temple of our Lord, the church (3:20-
21).
5. Chapter 4 begins with a discussion of the Christian's walk,
his daily manner of Life (4:1). "Walk no more as the
Gentiles" (4:17). In 5:1-2, "walk in love." In 5:8,
"walking as children of light." In 5:15, "being careful how
ye walk."
6. This walk is not a solitary walk, along some guarded path
by ourself alone; but, rather a walk of one believer with
others. The walk of a child of God with other children of
God. The walk of a husband with his wife, the wife with her
husband, the parent with the child, children with parents,
business man with employee, etc. We do not walk in the path
of righteousness alone. Christ and our brethren are on the
road as well. It is this walk that we sustain with Christ
Jesus, and with our brethren that Paul has in mind.
7. Chapter 4 stresses this point as Paul shows deep concern
for unity and fellowship in love (4:1-6). Walking together
in unity, in the bond of peace. As a member of the family
of God I am to strive for unity amongst brethren. As a
member of a home, I am to strive for unity in the marriage
relationship. With our every fiber let us strive to keep
unity and peace. Obviously, unity cannot have precedence
over truth; neither in the church nor in the family.
8. In chapter 4 (17), Paul reminds us that we all walked as
the Gentiles and were alienated from God (vs 18). Notice
the characteristics of that OLD MAN (vs 19) whom you have
put away (22). Now, in Christ, you have put on the NEW MAN
(24). Paul's letter to Colossae (3:5-14) stresses the same
subject matter adding more emphasis. It is with this
background that Paul discusses the basic relationships of
the Christian (chapters 5 & 6). How are we to attain
development and growth in these relationships?
9. First of all, the great apostle stresses the need for
communication as the basic skill needed to establish and
maintain sound relationships. A good husband-wife
relationship is impossible without good communication. A
wholesome parent-child relationship depends upon
communication. Paul's discussion of communication begins
with 4:25.
10. (vs 25) Christians cannot walk together unless they do so
on the basis of honesty, openness and truth. Deception,
lies, half-truths will tear a family apart. There must be
open channels of communication in a truly Christ centered
home.
11. (vs 26) We talked about this a little bit earlier in the
lesson. But, how important that we learn not to harbor ill
feelings. Anger may be handled wrongly in one of two ways.
(1) blowing up, or (2) clamming up. Either is sin. The
child of God cannot lose his/her temper and throw a
tantrum. We cannot explode when things do not go our way.
Neither can we harbor resentments.
We read of a couple who were having marriage problems.
When they went to a third party for help, she came to the
meeting with a manuscript of 8 1/2 X ll sheets of paper,
about an inch thick. In single-spaced, typewritten of both
sides, she had listed all of the complaints she had
harbored for the past 13 years. She was an extremely
resentful wife. This was not only a record of the things
the husband had done, but also a record of her bitterness.
Wives-Husbands, LOVE NEVER KEEPS RECORDS. Either written or
mental. Surely, the husband had to change his ways, but the
wife also had to correct her attitudes.
12. Husbands often point at their wives; wives point at their
husbands. And, usually there is plenty to point at on both
sides. But pointing at each other never solved a problem.
We need to be pointing to the problem and not to each
others. Actually we should be pointing to ourself. It will
amaze you how soon one will agree with you if you simple
say, "I have wronged you." Then ask for forgiveness. We
should never remove the lid from the others trash can until
we have cleaned out our own first. That is where
communication begins.
13. Few things are sapping the strength of the church and
undermining marriages more than the inability to walk
together and to communicate.
14. But back to our manual. Eph. 5:29, "Let no corrupt speech
proceed out of your mouth." Paul is not discussing foul
language, though that would indeed be included. This
admonition includes any word that would tear down, or cut
up another. Husbands, wives, watch your tongue, your choice
of words. There is something better we can do with our
words. BUILD UP, edify. We need to direct our words toward
the problem, not toward the person. Try to build up and not
to tear down. What have we accomplished if we shred our
companion. What have we accomplished if we have made
her/him feel little.
15. (vs 31) We touched on this also, but how urgent it is for
Husband and wife to live without bitterness, wrath, anger,
clamor and malice. We must work on maintaining a wholesome
and good will toward each other. Do not look for the flaws,
the mistakes. Look for the strengths, the good things.
16. (vs 32) "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving, even as Christ...." What a wonderful Savior. It
wasn't lovely people He died for; if was ungodly sinners.
It was law breakers, rebellious renegades. Yet, he loved
us. So, says Paul, we are to love one another. Husband love
your wife, wife love your husband, parent love your child,
children love your parents. REMEMBER, GOD LOVES YOU!! And
He does it in spite of our mistakes and errors.
This material, along with Parts 1, 2,
and 4, is available in Tract form. For
information, see conclusion of Part 4.
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