THE TROUBLED FAMILY (Part 2)
IV. ATTITUDES TOWARD TROUBLES:
1. Assuming that there will be problems (and rest assured,
there will be), or that there are already problems in the
family relationship we now turn our attention toward
various attitudes and dispositions that must be present if
these problems are to be solved.
2. First and foremost there must be a desire and a will to
solve the problem or problems. Where there is no will there
is no way. When couples refuse to acknowledge the problem,
or stick their heads in the sand, the difficulty only
increases.
3. Note also, the desire cannot be one-sided. Both parties
must want to solve the problem. Both must work toward a
solution. The family is doomed if one party bows his/her
back and does not enter wholehearted into the effort to
work on the differences.
4. This willingness demands that each party have the proper
disposition toward each other. The Word of God (our manual)
deals with the sins of evil dispositions as forcefully as
it does with the sin of drunkenness or other sins that we
consider so grievous. Listen to the apostle: 2 Cor. 12:20;
Gal. 5:20; Col. 3:8; Gal. 5:15.
"But," someone says, "Paul is talking to these
churches, congregations." Question. What makes up congre-
gations? Churches? Individuals. Truly, Paul is addressing
congregations, but his message is for each member in
whatever relationship they find themselves. Surely, you are
not telling me that Paul is saying, "Now do not bite and
devour one another when you come into the assembly to
worship; but, it is perfectly all right if you, as a
husband speaks shamefully to your wife at home, or you as a
wife have malice in your heart toward your husband." Oh,
NO!! These dispositions will destroy a home as quickly as
they will destroy a congregation. Perhaps, even quicker,
because the home is a daily relationship, an hourly matter.
And ill-feelings in our heart when we go to bed, and when
we arise each morning, will doom any relationship to
failure.
Paul says that these sinful dispositions are of the OLD
MAN and as children of God we have put off the old man, we
have been crucified to the flesh and all of its doings. We
both HUSBAND and WIFE have put on the new man, raised to
walk in newness of life, "renewed unto knowledge after the
image of him that created us." (Col. 5:10).
There is simply no place for a selfish, stubborn,
overbearing and headstrong person in a marriage union, or
as far as that goes, in any relationship
Eph. 4:31, 32 -- When will we ever listen to the
inspired writers and learn the characteristics and disposi-
tions needful to make our homes havens of happiness and
bliss as God so intended them to be.
V. ONE GRIEVOUS DISPOSITION IS THAT OF SELFISHNESS:
1. There is no place in the family relationship for mine and
yours. It must be OURS. Did not Jehovah say, "The two shall
become one." It is no longer, "What I want, but will it
please her/him." So often in our decisions we consider what
we wish with little or no consideration of the other party.
Their feelings are not brought into the picture. We trod
along with satisfying SELF, what please ME.
2. It is at this point that materialism often steps in. It's
MY boat, MY car, MY money, MY inheritance, and usually we
are not content to have the ordinary, the mundane, the
simple things in life. Oh, NO!! We desire the expensive,
the extravagant, like "the Jones down the street." And just
as surely, trouble jumps into the marriage, because now we
have the problem of paying for these "things." So, the
wife now gets a job and so very often the family
relationship suffers. Now, I realize that both parties in
the marriage can have jobs and can succeed in the marriage.
But, what I am saying is that the potential for problems is
there. And it takes special effort upon the part of both to
make the relationship work. It will take more
understanding, more patience, more long-suffering, between
mates and between parents and children. There is no place
for selfishness.
3. We look at the example of our Lord as Paul writes to the
brethren at Ephesus. Hear him, "Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself or it."
(Eph. 5:25). Brethren, there is no selfishness here. His
concern was not for SELF. It was for you and for me. His
whole existence was lived for others. And so must we, if we
desire to please Him.
VI. ALL MARRIAGES HAVE TIMES OF TESTING: (Just as life itself, Jas.
1:2-3--"Count it all joy......" Trials are not
necessarily bad; they can be beneficial.)
1. Sometimes the problems are major, often they are minor;
but, all are very real. At these times the fellowship of
the marriage is in real peril. Anger may show itself and
words spoken which are afterward bitterly regretted.
Sometimes deceit may seek to conceal inconsistences. Hearts
may be hardened and spirits stressed in vindictive silence.
Husband and wife fall out of tune with each other, their
ONENESS shattered and discord prevails. In this atmosphere
love can easily become hate, trust turns into suspicion and
tenderness to cold indifference.
2. Love must be able to endure during these times of trials,
these times of testing. Remember the great apostle said,
"Love suffers long, and is kind......" (1 Cor 13:4-8a). And
above all other relationships, this attribute must, MUST,
it MUST be present in the marriage bond.
3. The truth is that the whole fellowship of marriage is
ultimately based on FORGIVENESS. Two people unable to
forgive will not endure very long in living together as
husband and wife, parent and child. This is why our courts
of law fail so miserably in dealing with marriage problems.
The law is concerned with offence and retribution, making
the punishment fit the crime. But, so long as marriage
remains, it must be conducted upon an entirely different
set of principles -- the principles of repentance and
forgiveness.
VII. FORGIVENESS IS ESSENTIAL IN THE SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE:
1. Need I remind you husbands, that you are not married to a
perfect wife. You say, "Well, I knew that!" BUT, neither is
your wife married to a perfect husband. Both husband and
wife are frail creatures of the flesh. We are all
susceptible to the mistakes and the blunders that everyone
else makes. For this reason, as well as many others, we
must be forgiving partners in the marriage relationship. To
expect perfection is to be doomed to failure.
2. But, forgiveness goes hand in hand with repentance. When we
err toward our mates, God demands that we repent. This fact
is true in any relationship, but how essential in the
closeness of the marriage bond. Repentance is to be
followed with confession and then by forgiveness.
3. But, whether or not your husband or your wife ever repents
of the mistakes made, we must have the godly attitude of
forgiveness. Isn't is comforting to remember that Jehovah
did not wait for our repentance to send His Son, for "while
we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8). The
loving voice of our Savior rings across the ages as,
suspended upon the cross, He spoke, "Father forgive them,
for they know not what they do." BUT US, when we are
wronged, we stick out our lips and pout, we react out of
anger, and the battle rages.
4. When, Oh when, will we ever learn to have a forgiving,
contrite spirit toward our mates. Paul says, "Don't let the
sun go down upon your wrath." What he is telling you and me
is: get things straightened out before the day ends. Do not
let it run over into tomorrow. NOW is the acceptable time.
We need to solve our difficulties on a daily basis, so they
do not build up and fester, becoming mountain to overcome.
5. Remember, our repentance must be GENUINE, it must be
brought on by godly sorrow. Paul states, "For godly sorrow
worketh repentance unto salvation..." (2 Cor 6:10). Surely,
you have seen by now that the characteristics of the Child
of God must be the foundation of a good marriage. We need
desperately the dispositions and the character of our
loving Savior as we live each day in harmony with His
example.
This material, along with Parts 1, 3, and
4, is available in Tract form. See
information at conclusion of Part 4.
Return to Index
Home