Behavioral considerations for kids who spent their infancy in an orphanage
Kids who have no previous knowledge of safety issues, boundaries, and behavioral expectations pose a significant safety problem to their parents, particularly if they don't have the language skills to understand explanations and warnings.  They may disregard your message altogether because it makes no sense to them and they don't interpret your words - they tune you out.  You need to go back to basics and use traditional behavioral techniques to help keep your kids safe and in control.  You need to be able to teach your child to stay out of the street, or not to run off when you are trying to catch them, and all the holding, warnings, time-outs and logical consequences in the world won't be enough until they understand what you expect from them.  So, forget the verbal explanations, forget the safety lectures, and teach your kids to follow simple directions.

One major problem with kids from orphanages is that they may have a low tolerance for minor frustrations, and they may have frequent tantrums during the adjustment period.  Some children also have significant anger or grief, and they act out with violent aggression.  Many of the children are impulsive, and they may endanger themselves or others because they do not control themselves.  There are many kinds of tantrums; sorting through the causes may help you choose methods for dealing with your child's tantrums in a way that will prevent an escalation of the problem.  If tantrums are escalating, you need a Plan.  Maybe what you are doing to solve the problem isn't working… or maybe it is working, but just needs more time or a little twist to help make it come out your way.  Tantrums sap the strength of the most experienced, patient, dedicated, strong and sensitive therapeutic parents.  If you are new at this, don't despair.  Most of us live to tell about it!

Early Behavior Training
These kids have so much to learn, and their brains are not quite ready for all the information we want to give them.  Some of their ability to understand and respond will be limited because they lack important connections - they don't hear what we mean for them to hear, they can't respond automatically to our commands.  That isn't being critical of them, that is just putting their situation into proper perspective.  They have a wonderful capacity to learn and grow. Children need direction and guidance in addition to opportunities to explore and play in safe environments.  Everything we do teaches our children something, so we take every chance we get to teach them new things about the way our world works.

Some of these children arrive with developmental 'delays' that cover the range of expected developmental milestones from age zero up to their actual chronological age.  If you adopt a 5-year-old, she may have areas of cognitive and social needs that are usually associated with children who are 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5, all in the same child.  You will have to remember that, and not expect them to automatically know what children of their age usually know.  You will have to parent to their developmental levels, and do it without shaming them, or babying them.  Using 'love and logic' is a great idea, but you don't have time to wait for them to learn the language or understand the reasoning behind an abstract concept like a star chart or time-out before you get them under some control.  Safety is an issue from day one.  And some problems just aren't logical.

If something scares a child, it can affect them for life. Remember, we can't discipline or condition away emotions and fear, we can only condition away learned behaviors.  If a child

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